Post by Office on Dec 26, 2023 19:32:13 GMT
The camera opens up on a different kind of scene than what we usually see in the world of Pollo Road. Looking like a scene right out of a late night talk show, we find ourselves on a studio set. A nice desk fills the right side of the screen while two comfortable chairs are located on the left side. In the background is a rather nice looking Christmas tree with a handful of wrapped gifts underneath. After a few seconds, three surprisingly nicely dressed guys step into the camera’s view. It’s the Punch Line, Santa hats and all. The three take their places, Roy behind the desk as Harv and Rick take a seat in the chairs.
ROY VEZINA
Hello fans, welcome! I’m your MC this evening, “Mr. Canada” Roy Vezina. Joining me tonight is “The Canadian Shield” Harv Norris and “Rocket” Rick Hull. Boys, how goes it?
HARV NORRIS
Getting into the Christmas spirit, eh?
RICK HULL
I hope there’s some Buche de Noel around this place. A tourtiere? Anything?
ROY VEZINA
Boys! Let’s focus! We have a lot to cover tonight. Fans, we have a great night of fun and excitement planned for you, but before we have to pay the bills. Here’s a word from our sponsor… What? Huh? We don’t actually have a sponsor for this? Really? Oh, no worries. I’ll just…
RICK HULL
Aren’t the chicken people sponsoring this?
HARV NORRIS
The Pollos? Nah, man. They’re cheap as frak. We have a better shot of getting money from Panchito Pistoles, bro.
ROY VEZINA
Anyways, 2023 is coming to a close for Pollo Road, you might say it’s the end of the road, eh.
RICK HULL
Like Lynyrd Skynyrd?
HARV NORRIS
Isn’t that the guy from the Big Bang Theory?
RICK HULL
No, guy. The band, like Freebird, Sweet Home Alabama…
HARV NORRIS
Aren’t we in Ohio?
RICK HULL
Uh, nevermind.
ROY VEZINA
So we are going to look back at this year’s biggest and most exciting moments, starting with this one. Let’s take a look, eh?
ROY VEZINA
El Pollo Dorado II really was riding a huge wave of momentum when he won the Hijo Invitational then the PMLL Cruiserweight Championship. He was considered by many to be the MVP of the year with his category of excellent matches and the crazy momentum he carried throughout the year. Now before we take a look at our next clip, I have a special surprise for you fans. I pulled some strings and made a few calls so please give it up for Old Saint Nick himself, Santa Claus is in the house!
The three cheer as a large Santa comes into view and takes his place by the Christmas tree. He waves as he pulls down his big red sack of presents.
ROY VEZINA
Thanks for joining us tonight, Santa. Looks like you have some presents to hand out, eh? Well fans, as Santa settles in, let’s take a look at our next big moment of 2023. Roll the clip!
ROY VEZINA
That was truly a great match. AJ Knight and Pollo Dorado II are two men who never give less than one hundred percent and we saw them put everything out on the table for that one.
RICK HULL
What do you think AJ’s first name is? Allen? Albert?
HARV NORRIS
Definitely Albert. Bro looks like an Al, eh?
ROY VEZINA
Next up, we have our first guest of the evening! Ladies and gentlemen, our guest made a bit of a comeback this year after being out of the spotlight for a while. He made quite a splash in his return, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Popcorn Pollo!
Popcorn Pollo walks out from backstage and waves.
HARV NORRIS
Is he dying?
RICK HULL
Huh?
HARV NORRIS
Is he one of those Make-A-Wish kids or something?
RICK HULL
I don’t think so. Is that Marty St. Louis in a mask, bro?
HARV NORRIS
Nah, can’t be. Definitely a sick kid or something. What do I say to him?
RICK HULL
Um, never give up, never back down, you know, all those cliches on those colorful Walmart shirts.
HARV NORRIS
Oh yeah, bro. Above the hate!
RICK HULL
Can he be above much? He isn’t very tall.
ROY VEZINA
Popcorn, welcome! How’s it going, man?
POPCORN POLLO
Hey, Roy. Thanks for having me…
RICK HULL
Dude couldn’t even hold a hockey stick.
HARV NORRIS
Bro, he's timbit of the year.
RICK HULL
You think?
HARV NORRIS
He should have wished to see the Rock or something.
ROY VEZINA
Hahaha! Popcorn, you are a riot! Thank you so much for coming tonight. Before you go, I have a gift for you. Santa, could you throw me one of those presents, eh?
Santa reaches into his sack of presents and throws one to Roy. Roy, with a big grin, hands it to Popcorn Pollo. It’s a signed copy of Roy’s book, “Yes I Canada.” Popcorn doesn’t look thrilled but meekly smiles before heading off stage.
ROY VEZINA
Well fans, that was a lot of fun but don’t go too far because we have another clip for you. Roll the tape!
ROY VEZINA
That was definitely one of the more shocking moments from this year. My client, El Cerdo Mostaza, is still stuck over in Japan due to passport issues. We, the Punch Line, wish Mostaza a merry christmas and hope to see him soon. Gordie’s speed, my friend.
HARV NORRIS & RICK HULL
GORDIE!
ROY VEZINA
Next up, we have a special telephone interview with our next guest! Ladies and gentlemen, please give a round of applause to Becky Chande! Let’s give her a call now, eh?
Roy dials a number on his cell phone. After a few rings, Becky picks up.
BECKY CHANDE
Hello?
ROY VEZINA
Becky Chande! How are you?
BECKY CHANDE
Good, um, who is this?
ROY VEZINA
“Canada’s Finest Export” Roy Vezina.
BECKY CHANDE
Who?
ROY VEZINA
(clears throat) Um, Becky. I work for Pollo Road and we are doing a Christmas Special for our fans. A very Canadian Christmas.
BECKY CHANDE
Okay…
ROY VEZINA
And, I thought that, well, since you were a part of the Pollo family, you would… are you? Have you ever been to a Taffy Pull? Singles ladies meet single guys…
BECKY CHANDE
What do you want me to pull? What? Who are you?
ROY VEZINA
I’m… you know what, I think we have to cut this short. Timing issues. Great talk, Becky! Thanks for joining us tonight!
BECKY CHANDE
I’m so confused, who are…
Roy hangs up the call before she can finish.
ROY VEZINA
Well fans, we have some more clips for you. Let’s roll the next one please!
RICK HULL
What’s the age limit for old dudes wrestling? That guy has to be past the limit, right?
HARV NORRIS
I mean, they still let David Troy fight, so.
RICK HULL
Troy, like the movie? Didn’t Brad Pitt play him?
HARV NORRIS
Nah, bro. That was Achilles.
RICK HULL
Like the heel?
HARV NORRIS
Total babyface.
ROY VEZINA
Now fans, we have a very special treat for you tonight. In partnership with Hijo4Ever Productions, we have a couple of amazing matches recorded for you. Now before we get to the first match, let’s award one of our loyal fans a Christmas prize! Santa, what do we have for our lucky fan?
Santa reaches into his bag of presents and pulls out yet another copy of Roy Vezina’s book.
ROY VEZINA
Oh my word, a signed copy of my Canadian best seller? I am going to scroll through my ChickFeed app and randomly select one fan to win this amazing prize.
RICK HULL
ChickFeed?
HARV NORRIS
It’s like Twitter but with chickens.
RICK HULL
It's X now, dude.
HARV NORRIS
Yeah but the Pollos really love that chicken theme and XFeed might give our fans the wrong idea.
RICK HULL
We should start our own app. PunchFeed.
HARV NORRIS
Nah, bro. That’s a terrible idea.
RICK HULL
Hater.
ROY VEZINA
And the winner is… username MostFalls! Congrats, fella. We’ll slide into your DMs for your contact info and send you your prize soon. Now fans, let’s head over to the Ukrainian Community Hall in the fine town of Sudbury for our first match…
SAM HEWITT
Happy Holidays from Sudbury, Ontario! I’m Sam Hewitt and beside me is my partner-in-crime, Brian Shelzi. This evening we are joined by a very special guest. He’s been a frequent flier in Pollo Road, and most recently he’s appeared alongside Devlin Masters in a hit-for-hire gone wrong.
MAD MAX
Yooo hooo! You know it, Sammy. Never got paid for that by the way, but by golly whooping that boy’s ass at the Anniversary Special was payment enough. But thank you for having me, fellas.
♫You're a mean one♫
We see various close-up shots showcasing the new and improved El Sangre de Pollo mask lying on a dark background. The shine from overhead lighting produces a manufactured glow.
♫You really are a heel♫
We throw it back to the Matt Pulver 10th Anniversary Special where Ultimo steps between a foaming Sangre and a downed David Troy.
♫You're as cuddly as a cactus
You're as charming as an eel♫
We see a recap of Sangre choosing to throw down the chair on Ultimo Pollo back at the 2023 HIJO.
♫Mr. Grinch, you're a bad banana
Mr. Grinch, with the greasy black peel♫
The camera pulls away to reveal Sangre’s completely redecorated attire with darker tones.
“You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” fades out and is quickly replaced with “El Viento Y La Luz”.
El Sangre emerges from the foggy stage decorated in a red and Christmas green robe with a companion headdress in a traditional Mayan style. The crowd, especially after that video package, isn’t warm to him in the slightest. An “U-ti-mo! Ul-ti-mo!” develops which causes Sangre to spew Spanish insults at the crowd.
“Christmas in Hollis” plays but there’s no sign of the scheduled opponent Chuckles the Clown. The cameraman runs from the small stage to ringside where…
Chuckles the Clown has found a high ground and relishes in the “CHUCK-LES! CHUCK-LES” chant. He raises a carton, surely beyond the “Use by” date, of eggnog and dumps it all over himself.
SAM HEWITT
The bell hasn’t rung yet and somehow this match is already in a tug of war between disgusting and festive.
Chuckles accidentally drops the carton, spilling whatever eggnog was left, on the mat while squeezing himself over the guardrail.
Off-camera, the announce team is laughing uncontrollably.
As Mason Marvelle makes the introductions, Chuckles puts together a balloon chicken while Sangre intensely stretches. Mason explains that this match is a “Festive Spirit Rules” match, or in other words - anything goes.
The bell rings and Chuckles offers the balloon chicken to Sangre, but Sangre smacks it out of his hand. Chuckles feigns retreat, but quickly responds with a headbutt. Both fighters take a moment to rebound, but Sangre is the first reinitiate contact with a chop. As Chuckles writhes in pain, Sangre runs to the rope. The clown catches Sangre with a crushing running crossbody. Referee, Gideon Dube, observes Sangre’s shoulders on the mat and begins the count…
1…
…
Sangre shoves Chuckles off of him and reaches for newfound pain in his back. Chuckles brings his opponent to their feet and takes control of Sangre’s wrist. The experienced luchadore rolls forward to ease the tension of the wristlock and responds with his own version. Using Chuckles as leverage, Sangre expertly runs up the corner with the intent to do some damage to the arm. Chuckles throws a wrench in the plan by sending Sangre airborne to ringside.
Dube slides outside to check on Sangre. Chuckles is close behind, but respectfully waits for an answer. Sangre gives a half-hearted thumbs up, and the clown doesn’t wait a second to make the grab.
SAM HEWITT
So far, Chuckles’ height and weight has been absolutely key in maintaining control.
MAD MAX
Being a bigger dude always has its advantages, but every fighter has a flaw.
BRIAN SHELZI
For Chuckles, it’s hard liquor and magic.
While Chuckles is lifting Sangre, his face is caught by an abrupt knee. The clown’s nose ball squeaks off and rolls away. Chuckles immediately covers his now-distorted nose.
BRIAN SHELZI
We got a gusher!
Dube gets on one knee to check on Chuckles. Sangre’s impatience shows as he pushes off Dube’s back to get maximum air above the downed clown. Sangre drops like a bomb with double knees to the chest. The Dark Chicken goes for the cover on the outside, unsure if it’s even considered legal.
1…
…
2…
Chuckles shoulders out at the last second and the crowd goes nuts! Sangre struggles to lift the heavyset clown, but he successfully dumps his opponent back in the ring.
By the time Sangre catches his breath, an unbreakable Chuckles is back on one knee. Sangre knows his best shot at winning is isolating Chuckles to the ground. Before the RAINBOW legend can stand, Sangre hurries to wrap his arms around Chuckles’ waist. The heir to the Pollo legacy snaps backwards and executes an ugly backdrop suplex.
MAD MAX
Yee haw! Not a lot of air on that suplex, but Chuckles certainly went for a ride.
SAM HEWITT
Lifting that amount of… uh… water weight is nonetheless impressive!
Chuckles rolled to a plank position after the impact. In an effort to one-up himself, Sangre expels a loud roar before executing a pitch-perfect snap backdrop suplex with a bridge.
1…
…
2…
The clown wiggles out and rolls to his stomach. An unhinged Sangre stalks the clown from the opposite corner while energetically slapping his knee. Eventually, Chuckles is able to sit himself up due to sheer will, and probably intoxication. Sangre dashes at Chuckles…
¡LA PIERNA DE POLLO! ~ also known as RUNNING KNEE STRIKE!
No! Chuckles ducked the knee at the last second. The clown is almost on his feet!
¡NIEBLA DE SANGRE! ~ also known as BLOOD RED MIST!
Chuckles uses his never-ending handkerchief to wipe away the dark red substance while Sangre antagonizes the crowd.
SAM HEWITT
Where does Sangre’s mist begin, and Chuckles’ nosebleed end?
Sangre pretzels Chuckles into a half-nelson pumphandle position, but hesitates to continue.
BRIAN SHELZI
Why did he stop!?
Chuckles, while locked into his inevitable demise, begins to laugh maniacally. Sangre leans over Chuckles to get a better look, but the clown reaches for his chest and honks a flower sewed into his overalls. The flower is a squeezing mechanism which shoots out a glob of black ink on anyone within its trajectory. A blind Sangre recoils backwards while Chuckles teases him for his obstructed vision.
MAD MAX
These luchadores nowadays have such complicated movesets, Sangre has no chance at hitting a big move while blind.
The clown reaches into his overalls and presents a short baton to the crowd. As Chuckles holds it in the air, it magically extends into a candy cane staff. Chuckles readies his staff for the most opportune time. Chuckles swings!
And nails Sangre on the back! Chuckles takes a moment to call his shot. The clown winds back for a home run but Sangre’s senses allow him to elude the candy cane staff. A blinded Sangre perfectly wraps Chuckles back into the half nelson pumphandle position.
¡VARICELLA! ~ also known as PUMP-HANDLE HALF NELSON DRIVER!
Chuckles’ neck breaks his fall as he’s driven into the mat. The awkward landing allows Sangre to easily cover Chuckles.
1…
…
2…
…
3!
Dube diligently retrieves both fighters a towel, but only one is conscious to accept one. El Sangre de Pollo hastily wipes off the black ink and angrily throws the towel at the crowd. The Pollo rejects Dube’s invitation to have the victor’s hand raised and opts to walk to the back to no fanfare. Dr. Pierson checks on Chuckles as he lay bloodied in the ring.
The cameras cut back to the “studio” where all three men are sitting, looking quite shocked by the brutality just witnessed.
RICK HULL
What the…
ROY VEZINA
Well fans, that was… Er. That was one hell of a match and I hope Chuckles is… Let’s just go to our next moment of the year, eh?
HARV NORRIS
That’s a tough break, eh?
RICK HULL
Bro’s leg was like a Kit Kat bar.
HARV NORRIS
I didn't know MEZA likes to cosplay as Tiny Tim.
ROY VEZINA
Luckily for all of us, MEZA was able to make a grand old recovery and come back with more piss and vinegar than before. So all’s well that ends well, eh? Next up fans, we have yet another match for you before we announce the 2023 Biggest Moment of the Year. Let’s head back to the Ukrainian Community Hall for some more action!
As we return to the Ukrainian Community Hall in chilly Sudbury— the stage is set with the six competitors awaiting in the ring. Two white/red candy cane colored ladders are leaning in opposite corners. Mason Marvelle introduces each competitor starting with…
The self-proclaimed “Deathmatch Deity” - “Dare” Devlin Masters!
One-half of RAINBOW Pro’s Thunder Storm - Thunder Ninja!
The French fashionista from Clermont-Ferrand – Bleu!
A Puerto Rican speedball and 2023 HIJO semi-finalist – Chupacabra Jr.!
Undoubtedly the largest member of the Pollo wrestling family - Pollo Gigante!
Wrestling’s walking calculator – “The Brains” Orville Newton!
MASON MARVELLE
The first person to unhook the Pollo Christmas Star above the ring will be crowned the JOLLIEST MERRYWEIGHT CHAMPION, and will be included in the next collection of Pollo POWER Figures. Welcome to the Jingle All the Way to the Top Challenge!
All eyes are on Pollo Gigante – the most obvious physical threat. The bell rings and the first to rush Gigante is Bleu. He’s immediately tossed several feet over the top rope.
“Dare” Devin Masters and Thunder Ninja are next to rush Gigante but are decimated like two hot dog stands getting hit by an 18-wheeler. Gigante follows up by tossing Orville Newton across the ring.
SAM HEWITT
Within the first thirty seconds, Pollo Gigante has disarmed just about every competitor. That includes your former employer, Devlin Masters, Max.
MAD MAX
I wished things ended better between Devlin and I, I really do. But I don’t take kindly to that rude-ass finger-waggin’.
While on the defense, Chupacabre Jr. deflects Gigante’s grapple and pulls him into a triangle choke. With little to no effort, Gigante lifts Chupa off the mat and smashes him back down.
Bleu and Masters immobilize Gigante by clinging to his feet under the bottom rope. Thunder Ninja joins the ambush and blasts the vulnerable giant with a series of kicks followed by a Mongolian chop. The Biggest Bird™ stomps Bleu’s head and breaks free from his shackles. The Hikone-born Thunder Ninja attempts to neutralize Gigante with a leaping reverse STO, but Gigante belly to belly suplexes him across the ring.
Bleu and Masters invade the ring and outnumber Gigante to the mat. Masters screeches out an instruction for Bleu to moonsault off the top while he holds down “the Pollo”. Bleu mutters an insult in French while he begrudgingly jumps to the top. As Bleu vaults backwards, Gigante pulls Masters into the French model’s path.
BLEU CHEESE CRUMBLE… to the wrong guy!
While Masters rolls out of the ring, Gigante grabs Bleu by the tights and chucks him through the ropes; not far from Masters. Just as Gigante grabs a ladder...
FLYING LEG LARIAT!
Chupa Jr.’s surprise attack inadvertently sends both of them tumbling over the ropes.
Newton is the first to reoccupy the ring and quickly sets up the candy cane ladder. As he steps foot on the first rung, Thunder Ninja and Chupa springboard to the top! Newton is about to join them in the sky, but decides it’s far more logical to remain at the bottom where he can control the stability of the ladder.
Chupa Jr., the last of the notoriously small Chupacabra wrestling family, is on his tippy toes battling Thunder Ninja. They exchange blows intermittently while also trying to unhook the Pollo Christmas Star that swings above them.
Newton holds off on sabotaging the ladder in favor of waiting for a direct path. However, the Brain’s strategy is thwarted by Gigante sliding back in the ring. He accelerates towards Newton, but Orville’s assessment of Gigante’s stepping pattern allows him to successfully dodge a heavy shoulder block.
The Biggest Bird ™ overshoots past Newton, and collides into the ladder. The ladder tips over and drops Chupa Jr. and Thunder Ninja near the ropes.
A shoving contest between Bleu and Masters has escalated at ringside after the failed teamwork. Bleu delivers a combination of slaps that dazes the backyard wrestling sensation. Bleu runs towards Masters, hooks his head, and starts the initial spin for a tornado DDT. After one full rotation, Masters halts the spin and rams Bleu into the apron. As Bleu bends over in pain, “Dare” Devlin drives Bleu’s head into the ground with a DDT of his own.
BRIAN SHELZI
Ouch! We may see Dr. Pierson out again.
Back in the ring, Orville evaluates the current situation: Thunder Ninja is incapacitated outside; Chupa won’t be getting up for at least thirty seconds; Bleu is down somewhere at ringside; Gigante is just now getting to his feet; Masters…
Masters stealthily reaches into the ring and sweeps Orville’s legs out from under him!
MAD MAX
That’s the problem with being a brainiac. Too much thinking; not enough doin’.
Masters finds a kendo stick wrapped in wrapping paper and slides behind an aching Gigante. He swings! Gigante catches the stick mid-swing and pulls in Masters to a backdrop arrangement. The Pollo lifts him, but Masters jabs two fingers into Gigante’s eyes. The blind beast releases his victim and claws at his bloodshot eyes.
While playing Marco Polo with Masters, Gigante trips over a groggy Chupa. The giant, assuming its Masters, reaches frantically in search of his aggressor. The search quickly comes to an end after Masters silences Gigante with a crack of the kendo stick. Masters turns his violent attention to a recovering Chupa and raises the kendo stick…
RUNNING EUROPEAN UPPERCUT!
Masters is sent ragdolling across the ring by Newton in motion. Chupa thanks Newton, who uses the newly discovered trust to pitch a strategy. The Brains signals to the fallen ladder and mimics a slamming down motion. With a quick nod, Chupa and Newton grab the ladder together and climb the corner closest to Gigante.
SAM HEWITT
I think, but I’m not sure, that Orville Newton is proposing that they ensnare Gigante in between two rungs of the ladder.
As the giant rises from his forced slumber, the two ladder-bearers jump from the corner and successfully slide Gigante in between rungs of the ladder. Chupa and Newton high-five, but the celebration does not last long because both of them are whacked by the same ladder used to encase Gigante. He’s quickly found a way to adapt and weaponize his new appendage.
Now that he is the only conscious person in the ring, Gigante turns his attention to slipping out of the ladder. As he is doing so, a tiny silver ball rolls in front of him. He gasps just before the smoke bomb explodes; temporarily engulfing the entirety of the ring in blue and yellow smoke. As the smoke recedes…
STORM NINJA IS IN THE RING. THUNDER NINJA IS IN THE RING. IT’S THUNDER STORM!
BRIAN SHELZI
The Strikers of Shiga are back, baby!
SAM HEWITT
Last time we saw Thunder Storm was at Rainbow Road when El Cerdo Mostaza made mincemeat of the team.
Gigante tries to swing the ladder at the ninjas but Thunder Storm skillfully sidesteps the pathetic attempts. Thunder goes high, Storm goes low…
TOTAL ELIMINATION ~ also known as SHIGA STRIKE!
There is no one available to intervene as Thunder Storm plants the second ladder in the middle and the duo climb. The ninjas are about to claim the Pollo Christmas Star…
BLEU IS IN THE RING WITH ANOTHER LADDER!
He quickly jousts Storm Ninja off the ladder, and Thunder Ninja follows after getting domed by the foot of a ladder. Bleu rushes up the previously occupied ladder. He’s almost to the top when Devlin Masters begins his climb. Bleu is reaching! The star is dangling at his fingertips. Masters reaches the top and delivers a staggering elbow to the unprotected face of the French model.
BRIAN SHELZI
Chupacabre Jr. incoming!
Chupa springboards onto the ladder once again! He forces himself and Bleu to share one side of the ladder, but they share the same objective of eliminating Devlin from the equation. Masters is unable to protect himself from every impact, and he’s soon worn down. The
SAM HEWITT
And…Masters…goes down! Wait, no!
Masters is caught by a ladder-skirt wearing Gigante! He gets a running start with Masters’ stomach on his shoulder and…
POWERSLAM INTO THE LADDER!
The ladder, and its occupants, crash to the mat. The crowd is beside themselves! Gigante falls on top of it with Masters’ lifeless body nearby.
SAM HEWITT
The ladder is back up and it’s Orville Newton that’s on his way to the Pollo Christmas Star!
BRIAN SHELZI
Tough decision here with Pollo Gigante still in the picture. Does he climb, or does he risk a final nail in Gigante’s coffin? Can he even do both before someone else gets up?
Newton stares up the ladder, then at the severely weakened Gigante, back at the ladder, finally back at a recovering Gigante. Newton decides to level up—
LEVEL 60 [SHINING] WIZARD TO GIGANTE!
Gigante is out. Masters is out. Chupa Jr. and Bleu aren’t moving. The team of Thunder Storm is down at ringside. It’s his time! “The Brains” quickly ascends the ladder and reaches for the star. A broken Gigante crawls up the lower steps at a snail's pace.
Orville fiddles with the hook for a few more seconds before the star is his! He holds the star up to the crowd and hugs it.
MASON MARVELLE
Ladies and gentlemen, the Jolliest Merryweight, and winner of the Jingle All the Way to the Top Challenge – Orville Newton!
Newton steps down off the ladder and into the embrace of his ally, Matt Pulver. He raises Orville’s hand and Orville proudly flashes the bejeweled star at the camera.
ROY VEZINA
What a match! Orville is really picking up some momentum lately, eh? I wonder if he’s Canadian? The Punch Line is always looking for exceptional talent from the Great White North. But now it’s the moment we have all been waiting for, well the moment of the year. 2023 saw a lot of amazing things happen inside that Pollo Road ring but the biggest has to be this…
ROY VEZINA
That’s right fans, Matt Pulver was Pollo Dorado II. It was a truly shocking moment and named the biggest #PolloPop of the year. Now before we sign off for the evening, we have a bit of a sneak preview for you on the newest line of Pollo Power Figures that will be coming out soon. Roll the clip!
RICK HULL
Bro, where’s our figures?
HARV NORRIS
Seriously, no respect. No respect at all.
ROY VEZINA
Let fans, it’s been an amazing night of holiday cheer. Thank you for joining but before we go. Harv, Rick. I got you guys something. Santa, can you do the honors.
Santa reaches into his sack of gifts and pulls out two custom made Punch Line hockey jerseys, both with a noticeable “A” on them. Both men look like they are fighting back tears.
ROY VEZINA
New unis, boys! I couldn’t decide who to make my alternate… so you both are.
HARV NORRIS
I got an A!
RICK HULL
So did I!
HARV NORRIS
First A of your life, I bet.
RICK HULL
Cha right, you tried to forge your report card for your parents and wrote “Eh Plus.”
ROY VEZINA
Now boys, simmer down now. Once again thank you fans for… What’s that, Santa?
Santa is rummaging through his bag and after a moment, pulls out a small wrapped gift and hands it to Roy.
ROY VEZINA
Boys, you really shouldn’t have.
RICK HULL
I didn’t.
HARV NORRIS
Me either.
Roy rips off the wrapping paper and reveals… a passport.
ROY VEZINA
Why did you give me someone’s passport…
Suddenly Roy’s face drops as he looks up into Santa’s eyes. With a sudden lunge, Santa grabs Roy by the collar. Harv and Rick jump at Santa but he knocks both men back. During the shuffle, his hat and beard slide off to reveal.. EL CERDO MOSTAZA!!! The big man is back and he pushes Roy back into a wall, growling.
ROY VEZINA
HELP!
Harv charges at ECM and catches him around the waist as Rick starts firing forearms at the big man’s back. Roy is able to slip out of Mostaza’s grip and shuffle away as El Cerdo throws a wild elbow at Rick and grabs Harv in a gutwrench and suplexes him right into the Christmas tree! Ornaments and lights flicker as Rick charges back at Mostaza, who unleashes a nasty lariat that drops Rick to the floor hard.
EL CERDO MOSTAZA
ROY! This ain’t over, fella. I’m comin’ for you! Hot… Screw it. Hot Damn!
With all the chaos, the screen cuts to black.
ROY VEZINA
Hello fans, welcome! I’m your MC this evening, “Mr. Canada” Roy Vezina. Joining me tonight is “The Canadian Shield” Harv Norris and “Rocket” Rick Hull. Boys, how goes it?
HARV NORRIS
Getting into the Christmas spirit, eh?
RICK HULL
I hope there’s some Buche de Noel around this place. A tourtiere? Anything?
ROY VEZINA
Boys! Let’s focus! We have a lot to cover tonight. Fans, we have a great night of fun and excitement planned for you, but before we have to pay the bills. Here’s a word from our sponsor… What? Huh? We don’t actually have a sponsor for this? Really? Oh, no worries. I’ll just…
RICK HULL
Aren’t the chicken people sponsoring this?
HARV NORRIS
The Pollos? Nah, man. They’re cheap as frak. We have a better shot of getting money from Panchito Pistoles, bro.
ROY VEZINA
Anyways, 2023 is coming to a close for Pollo Road, you might say it’s the end of the road, eh.
RICK HULL
Like Lynyrd Skynyrd?
HARV NORRIS
Isn’t that the guy from the Big Bang Theory?
RICK HULL
No, guy. The band, like Freebird, Sweet Home Alabama…
HARV NORRIS
Aren’t we in Ohio?
RICK HULL
Uh, nevermind.
ROY VEZINA
So we are going to look back at this year’s biggest and most exciting moments, starting with this one. Let’s take a look, eh?
Ojima charges him, knocking him back down with a knee strike. On all fours, Dorado is grabbed in a rear waist lock and the champion executes a deadlift German suplex! He can't hold the bridge, but he rolls over and places his body on top!
1-KICK OUT!
The Sault Ste. Marie crowd pops big as Ojima looks up at Thomas with a stone cold glare. Thomas holds up one finger and Ojima begins speaking Japanese to Dorado, punishing him with shots to the head. Ojima stands up and walks over to the corner, he rolls his arm a couple of times to signal for a lariat as Dorado is trying to find his bearings. The challenger gets up to a knee and then back to a vertical base as the champion runs in...
LARIA-NO!
FLYING CROSS ARMBREAKER!
OJIMA TAPS! OJIMA TAPS! OJIMA TAPS!
The Soo crowd lets out a collective roar as a bloody Pollo Dorado II releases the submission, Ojima rolls away clutching his arm and swats away the medical attention that greets him. He storms up the aisle as Dojo students and other fighters charge down to the ring to celebrate with Dorado, but it's Red Tiger King that gets bumped into by Ojima. Ojima berates him, but eats a slap upside the head for it! RTK continues on down to the ring, a Pollo Road shirt covering up his wound from earlier. A dojo student tackles Dorado and hugs him as Thomas brings the World's Cruiserweight title to them. Dorado climbs up to his feet, is handed a towel and drapes it over his head before accepting the belt. Lynx, RTK and the dojo student that tackled him raise him up in the air! MEZA looks on, not apart of the celebration, but at ringside.
SAM HEWITT
I think I speak for everyone in saying I didn't expect this match to go like THAT! Pollo Dorado was certainly not an underdog given his gutsy showing at HIJO last month, but to come in and submit Reo Ojima in two minutes after being jumped and attacked in the aisle? That's impressive!
1-KICK OUT!
The Sault Ste. Marie crowd pops big as Ojima looks up at Thomas with a stone cold glare. Thomas holds up one finger and Ojima begins speaking Japanese to Dorado, punishing him with shots to the head. Ojima stands up and walks over to the corner, he rolls his arm a couple of times to signal for a lariat as Dorado is trying to find his bearings. The challenger gets up to a knee and then back to a vertical base as the champion runs in...
LARIA-NO!
FLYING CROSS ARMBREAKER!
OJIMA TAPS! OJIMA TAPS! OJIMA TAPS!
The Soo crowd lets out a collective roar as a bloody Pollo Dorado II releases the submission, Ojima rolls away clutching his arm and swats away the medical attention that greets him. He storms up the aisle as Dojo students and other fighters charge down to the ring to celebrate with Dorado, but it's Red Tiger King that gets bumped into by Ojima. Ojima berates him, but eats a slap upside the head for it! RTK continues on down to the ring, a Pollo Road shirt covering up his wound from earlier. A dojo student tackles Dorado and hugs him as Thomas brings the World's Cruiserweight title to them. Dorado climbs up to his feet, is handed a towel and drapes it over his head before accepting the belt. Lynx, RTK and the dojo student that tackled him raise him up in the air! MEZA looks on, not apart of the celebration, but at ringside.
SAM HEWITT
I think I speak for everyone in saying I didn't expect this match to go like THAT! Pollo Dorado was certainly not an underdog given his gutsy showing at HIJO last month, but to come in and submit Reo Ojima in two minutes after being jumped and attacked in the aisle? That's impressive!
ROY VEZINA
El Pollo Dorado II really was riding a huge wave of momentum when he won the Hijo Invitational then the PMLL Cruiserweight Championship. He was considered by many to be the MVP of the year with his category of excellent matches and the crazy momentum he carried throughout the year. Now before we take a look at our next clip, I have a special surprise for you fans. I pulled some strings and made a few calls so please give it up for Old Saint Nick himself, Santa Claus is in the house!
The three cheer as a large Santa comes into view and takes his place by the Christmas tree. He waves as he pulls down his big red sack of presents.
ROY VEZINA
Thanks for joining us tonight, Santa. Looks like you have some presents to hand out, eh? Well fans, as Santa settles in, let’s take a look at our next big moment of 2023. Roll the clip!
AJ's expression goes from jubilant to pure shock as he sees Thomas' two fingers staring him in the face. He looks at Troy, but his newfound partner can't offer up an explanation either. Orville Newton is biting his nails, while Shelzi wonders if the brief struggle during the trash talk from AJ allowed Dorado to reposition. AJ starts driving forearms into Dorado's head until he exhausts himself - which at this stage of the match doesn't take long. AJ pulls himself up and tries to drag Dorado with him, but falls on his behind. He gets back up and tries again, dragging Dorado a bit further before falling again but this time, it's because he slung Dorado into the corner! AJ gets back up and rushes in, driving a shoulder to the midsection. He pulls his upper body away and does it again, then grabs Dorado's thighs and lifts him up onto the top rope. AJ hits him with a forearm as he starts to climb up, he gets onto the second rope, then one foot on the top, then the other...
HOOKS THE ARMS...
The crowd goes quiet!
SAM HEWITT
I can only think of one time I've seen him do this. Back against Julian Cutlass in their two-out-of-three falls match! 2017, Brian!
AJ isn't happy with the grip and tries to readjust, but Dorado pops up and clocks him with an elbow! AJ falls off onto the mat below! Newton is jumping for joy, yelling at Dorado to do it! Dorado tries to navigate the top rope in his tired state, bringing his feet into proper position for the Golden Bird Splash proves to be a tedious effort. AJ gets back up and smashes Dorado from behind, crotching him unintentionally. The crowd gasps as AJ climbs through the ropes, then up the turnbuckle and hooks the arms again - but facing into the ring this time. AJ notices he has to readjust Dorado's legs for this to work properly and gets the first one, but the second one is interrupted by the sound of the bell!
MASON MARVELLE
Ladies and gentlemen, the thirty minute time limit has expired! This match is a draw!
The crowd boos, AJ Knight's face expresses their disappointment way better than their vocalization. David Troy gets up on the apron and tries to help AJ down, but Knight refuses the help. He climbs down and grabs the title from the timekeeper's table and chucks it inside the ring. Troy asks him what he's doing, but gets no response. Newton falls over as he pulls Dorado down off the top rope, bringing both men to the mat. Pollo Dorado kind of shoves him away as he sees his belt, struggling to get up. He crawls to it, grabs it but AJ's foot prevents it from being picked up. Dorado painfully climbs to his feet, meeting AJ eye to eye. AJ offers up some words, but our crappy in-ring mics aren't picking it up. AJ reaches down and picks up the belt, Ted Thomas tells him to hand it back and AJ offers it up. Dorado goes to grab it, but AJ drops it.
AND FLIPS HIM OFF!
Dorado shakes his head as Knight leaves the ring, Troy greets him outside with a bottle of water and the duo walk to the back leaving Dorado to be attended to by medics.
SAM HEWITT
Not a satisfying finish to say the least.
BRIAN SHELZI
Look, Sambo, I get the use of nuclear options or limit breaks... but when you don't use a move often enough it becomes a chore to remember how to execute it. Coupled with the fact that they were twenty five plus minutes into a battle... he cost himself the match trying to do it. I know who he thinks Pollo Dorado is, but that's no reason to deviate from the goal. He needs to not let his emotions get the better of him, I firmly believe AJ Knight had this match in the bag. Pollo Dorado was exhausted, spent, done!
HOOKS THE ARMS...
The crowd goes quiet!
SAM HEWITT
I can only think of one time I've seen him do this. Back against Julian Cutlass in their two-out-of-three falls match! 2017, Brian!
AJ isn't happy with the grip and tries to readjust, but Dorado pops up and clocks him with an elbow! AJ falls off onto the mat below! Newton is jumping for joy, yelling at Dorado to do it! Dorado tries to navigate the top rope in his tired state, bringing his feet into proper position for the Golden Bird Splash proves to be a tedious effort. AJ gets back up and smashes Dorado from behind, crotching him unintentionally. The crowd gasps as AJ climbs through the ropes, then up the turnbuckle and hooks the arms again - but facing into the ring this time. AJ notices he has to readjust Dorado's legs for this to work properly and gets the first one, but the second one is interrupted by the sound of the bell!
MASON MARVELLE
Ladies and gentlemen, the thirty minute time limit has expired! This match is a draw!
The crowd boos, AJ Knight's face expresses their disappointment way better than their vocalization. David Troy gets up on the apron and tries to help AJ down, but Knight refuses the help. He climbs down and grabs the title from the timekeeper's table and chucks it inside the ring. Troy asks him what he's doing, but gets no response. Newton falls over as he pulls Dorado down off the top rope, bringing both men to the mat. Pollo Dorado kind of shoves him away as he sees his belt, struggling to get up. He crawls to it, grabs it but AJ's foot prevents it from being picked up. Dorado painfully climbs to his feet, meeting AJ eye to eye. AJ offers up some words, but our crappy in-ring mics aren't picking it up. AJ reaches down and picks up the belt, Ted Thomas tells him to hand it back and AJ offers it up. Dorado goes to grab it, but AJ drops it.
AND FLIPS HIM OFF!
Dorado shakes his head as Knight leaves the ring, Troy greets him outside with a bottle of water and the duo walk to the back leaving Dorado to be attended to by medics.
SAM HEWITT
Not a satisfying finish to say the least.
BRIAN SHELZI
Look, Sambo, I get the use of nuclear options or limit breaks... but when you don't use a move often enough it becomes a chore to remember how to execute it. Coupled with the fact that they were twenty five plus minutes into a battle... he cost himself the match trying to do it. I know who he thinks Pollo Dorado is, but that's no reason to deviate from the goal. He needs to not let his emotions get the better of him, I firmly believe AJ Knight had this match in the bag. Pollo Dorado was exhausted, spent, done!
ROY VEZINA
That was truly a great match. AJ Knight and Pollo Dorado II are two men who never give less than one hundred percent and we saw them put everything out on the table for that one.
RICK HULL
What do you think AJ’s first name is? Allen? Albert?
HARV NORRIS
Definitely Albert. Bro looks like an Al, eh?
ROY VEZINA
Next up, we have our first guest of the evening! Ladies and gentlemen, our guest made a bit of a comeback this year after being out of the spotlight for a while. He made quite a splash in his return, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Popcorn Pollo!
Popcorn Pollo walks out from backstage and waves.
HARV NORRIS
Is he dying?
RICK HULL
Huh?
HARV NORRIS
Is he one of those Make-A-Wish kids or something?
RICK HULL
I don’t think so. Is that Marty St. Louis in a mask, bro?
HARV NORRIS
Nah, can’t be. Definitely a sick kid or something. What do I say to him?
RICK HULL
Um, never give up, never back down, you know, all those cliches on those colorful Walmart shirts.
HARV NORRIS
Oh yeah, bro. Above the hate!
RICK HULL
Can he be above much? He isn’t very tall.
ROY VEZINA
Popcorn, welcome! How’s it going, man?
POPCORN POLLO
Hey, Roy. Thanks for having me…
RICK HULL
Dude couldn’t even hold a hockey stick.
HARV NORRIS
Bro, he's timbit of the year.
RICK HULL
You think?
HARV NORRIS
He should have wished to see the Rock or something.
ROY VEZINA
Hahaha! Popcorn, you are a riot! Thank you so much for coming tonight. Before you go, I have a gift for you. Santa, could you throw me one of those presents, eh?
Santa reaches into his sack of presents and throws one to Roy. Roy, with a big grin, hands it to Popcorn Pollo. It’s a signed copy of Roy’s book, “Yes I Canada.” Popcorn doesn’t look thrilled but meekly smiles before heading off stage.
ROY VEZINA
Well fans, that was a lot of fun but don’t go too far because we have another clip for you. Roll the tape!
Sam Hewitt can be seen in the background trying to alert Mandeville Nelson, but the feed cuts backstage. A chair flies across the screen, crashing into the wall with a metallic thud.
?:
WHERE IS THAT GOD DAMN CHICKEN?!
No, it's not an angry customer. It's a tough customer, it's the monstrous El Cerdo Mostaza storming into view, looking almost animalistic as he stakes the backstage area.
EL CERDO MOSTAZA
DORADO!?!?!? WHERE YOU AT, BOY!?
Knocking over chairs and flipping over tables, Mostaza stomps down the hallway before stopping in front of a locker room door labelled “David Troy”. With his back to the camera, we hear Cerdo being told that the roster is in the community hall. Mostaza grabs the man off screen and chucks him into the locker room door, smashing it open. He quickly checks, but no one is in there. The camera cuts back to ringside as Nelson assures Hewitt he's got this under control and Hewitt nods and heads back to the deck. Shelzi hands him his head set.
BRIAN SHELZI
Well, I think he's on his way out, Sambo...
The crowds murmur turn into a roar as Cerdo storms through the crowd, clearing a way to the ring as he pushes over chairs, throwing and kicking a few. The Ninjas stand tall inside the ring, Harold Balzac has been escorted backstage but Mandeville Nelson remains at ringside. Mostaza spots him...
EL CERDO MOSTAZA
I WANT DORADO!
He makes a beeline for the Pollo Road matchmaker, but Thunder Ninja hits him with a baseball slide! Mostaza stumbles into the guardrail, but recovers in time as Storm Ninja soars over the top.
MOSTAZA CATCHES HIM!
Mostaza chucks him into Thunder Ninja!
BRIAN SHELZI
A man just got powerbombed into his brother!
Mostaza grabs Thunder Ninja off the floor, goozling him and hoists him up...
CHOKESLAM!
He choke slams Thunder onto Storm, then backs up... heaving. He snarls as he snatches the microphone from Marvelle and climbs up into the ring.
EL CERDO MOSTAZA
I want that chicken ass punk! Come out here and face me like a man!
The place comes unglued as Pollo Dorado II walks out, but the boos begin as the security detail put themselves between Dorado and the ring.
EL CERDO MOSTAZA
I'LL COME TO YOU THEN!
Mostaza drops the mic and the crowd roars, but boo once more as Mandeville Nelson finds himself as the one to stand up to Mostaza. He stands on the apron, asking Mostaza to calm down - putting his hands on the big man's shoulders and speaking calm---
A LARIAT TO NELSON!
The crowd goes silent as the security detail looks conflicted, and split up - dashing down to attend to Pollo Road's fallen matchmaker! Mostaza paces around as Dorado is flanked by even more security, who push him to the back.
?:
WHERE IS THAT GOD DAMN CHICKEN?!
No, it's not an angry customer. It's a tough customer, it's the monstrous El Cerdo Mostaza storming into view, looking almost animalistic as he stakes the backstage area.
EL CERDO MOSTAZA
DORADO!?!?!? WHERE YOU AT, BOY!?
Knocking over chairs and flipping over tables, Mostaza stomps down the hallway before stopping in front of a locker room door labelled “David Troy”. With his back to the camera, we hear Cerdo being told that the roster is in the community hall. Mostaza grabs the man off screen and chucks him into the locker room door, smashing it open. He quickly checks, but no one is in there. The camera cuts back to ringside as Nelson assures Hewitt he's got this under control and Hewitt nods and heads back to the deck. Shelzi hands him his head set.
BRIAN SHELZI
Well, I think he's on his way out, Sambo...
The crowds murmur turn into a roar as Cerdo storms through the crowd, clearing a way to the ring as he pushes over chairs, throwing and kicking a few. The Ninjas stand tall inside the ring, Harold Balzac has been escorted backstage but Mandeville Nelson remains at ringside. Mostaza spots him...
EL CERDO MOSTAZA
I WANT DORADO!
He makes a beeline for the Pollo Road matchmaker, but Thunder Ninja hits him with a baseball slide! Mostaza stumbles into the guardrail, but recovers in time as Storm Ninja soars over the top.
MOSTAZA CATCHES HIM!
Mostaza chucks him into Thunder Ninja!
BRIAN SHELZI
A man just got powerbombed into his brother!
Mostaza grabs Thunder Ninja off the floor, goozling him and hoists him up...
CHOKESLAM!
He choke slams Thunder onto Storm, then backs up... heaving. He snarls as he snatches the microphone from Marvelle and climbs up into the ring.
EL CERDO MOSTAZA
I want that chicken ass punk! Come out here and face me like a man!
The place comes unglued as Pollo Dorado II walks out, but the boos begin as the security detail put themselves between Dorado and the ring.
EL CERDO MOSTAZA
I'LL COME TO YOU THEN!
Mostaza drops the mic and the crowd roars, but boo once more as Mandeville Nelson finds himself as the one to stand up to Mostaza. He stands on the apron, asking Mostaza to calm down - putting his hands on the big man's shoulders and speaking calm---
A LARIAT TO NELSON!
The crowd goes silent as the security detail looks conflicted, and split up - dashing down to attend to Pollo Road's fallen matchmaker! Mostaza paces around as Dorado is flanked by even more security, who push him to the back.
That was definitely one of the more shocking moments from this year. My client, El Cerdo Mostaza, is still stuck over in Japan due to passport issues. We, the Punch Line, wish Mostaza a merry christmas and hope to see him soon. Gordie’s speed, my friend.
HARV NORRIS & RICK HULL
GORDIE!
ROY VEZINA
Next up, we have a special telephone interview with our next guest! Ladies and gentlemen, please give a round of applause to Becky Chande! Let’s give her a call now, eh?
Roy dials a number on his cell phone. After a few rings, Becky picks up.
BECKY CHANDE
Hello?
ROY VEZINA
Becky Chande! How are you?
BECKY CHANDE
Good, um, who is this?
ROY VEZINA
“Canada’s Finest Export” Roy Vezina.
BECKY CHANDE
Who?
ROY VEZINA
(clears throat) Um, Becky. I work for Pollo Road and we are doing a Christmas Special for our fans. A very Canadian Christmas.
BECKY CHANDE
Okay…
ROY VEZINA
And, I thought that, well, since you were a part of the Pollo family, you would… are you? Have you ever been to a Taffy Pull? Singles ladies meet single guys…
BECKY CHANDE
What do you want me to pull? What? Who are you?
ROY VEZINA
I’m… you know what, I think we have to cut this short. Timing issues. Great talk, Becky! Thanks for joining us tonight!
BECKY CHANDE
I’m so confused, who are…
Roy hangs up the call before she can finish.
ROY VEZINA
Well fans, we have some more clips for you. Let’s roll the next one please!
BRIAN SHELZI
Quite the feeling out process here so far, I'm loving it.
SAM HEWITT
Each fall has a thirty minute time limit, so we could be here for a full ninety minutes if need be.
The next lock-up ends with Lynx snapmaring Dorado, but the champion rolls through and hits the ropes. He comes off, does a go behind but Lynx executes a standing switch. Dorado grabs Lynx's mask and leaps up into a high angle and snapmares the challenger! Lynx rolls through and Dorado tries to attack, but Lynx intercepts him with a body slam! Lynx tries to follow up but Dorado kicks him back into the ropes. Lynx charges the champ, who despite still being on the mat tries the trip up drop down, Lynx expertly dodges it, grabs an arm...
LA MAGISTRAL!
1...
...
2...
...
3!
The crowd explodes! MEZA probably has the biggest response out of the entire venue as he slithers into the ring and hugs his friend, mentor and teammate. "That's one! One more!" he tells Lynx, while Orville Newton is on the opposite side talking to Pollo Dorado. "You are doing excellent, do not stray from the strategy."
SAM HEWITT
Pollo Dorado II just got pinned for the first time in Pollo Road, but that's only if you can hear me because this place is loud after that!
BRIAN SHELZI
They may have forgotten it's best of three falls, but I'll admit - it's a huge momentum swing for Lynx. The veteran loves his pinning combinations and it was the trusty Magistral that scored the three. Now we'll see how Dorado does here.
Quite the feeling out process here so far, I'm loving it.
SAM HEWITT
Each fall has a thirty minute time limit, so we could be here for a full ninety minutes if need be.
The next lock-up ends with Lynx snapmaring Dorado, but the champion rolls through and hits the ropes. He comes off, does a go behind but Lynx executes a standing switch. Dorado grabs Lynx's mask and leaps up into a high angle and snapmares the challenger! Lynx rolls through and Dorado tries to attack, but Lynx intercepts him with a body slam! Lynx tries to follow up but Dorado kicks him back into the ropes. Lynx charges the champ, who despite still being on the mat tries the trip up drop down, Lynx expertly dodges it, grabs an arm...
LA MAGISTRAL!
1...
...
2...
...
3!
The crowd explodes! MEZA probably has the biggest response out of the entire venue as he slithers into the ring and hugs his friend, mentor and teammate. "That's one! One more!" he tells Lynx, while Orville Newton is on the opposite side talking to Pollo Dorado. "You are doing excellent, do not stray from the strategy."
SAM HEWITT
Pollo Dorado II just got pinned for the first time in Pollo Road, but that's only if you can hear me because this place is loud after that!
BRIAN SHELZI
They may have forgotten it's best of three falls, but I'll admit - it's a huge momentum swing for Lynx. The veteran loves his pinning combinations and it was the trusty Magistral that scored the three. Now we'll see how Dorado does here.
What’s the age limit for old dudes wrestling? That guy has to be past the limit, right?
HARV NORRIS
I mean, they still let David Troy fight, so.
RICK HULL
Troy, like the movie? Didn’t Brad Pitt play him?
HARV NORRIS
Nah, bro. That was Achilles.
RICK HULL
Like the heel?
HARV NORRIS
Total babyface.
ROY VEZINA
Now fans, we have a very special treat for you tonight. In partnership with Hijo4Ever Productions, we have a couple of amazing matches recorded for you. Now before we get to the first match, let’s award one of our loyal fans a Christmas prize! Santa, what do we have for our lucky fan?
Santa reaches into his bag of presents and pulls out yet another copy of Roy Vezina’s book.
ROY VEZINA
Oh my word, a signed copy of my Canadian best seller? I am going to scroll through my ChickFeed app and randomly select one fan to win this amazing prize.
RICK HULL
ChickFeed?
HARV NORRIS
It’s like Twitter but with chickens.
RICK HULL
It's X now, dude.
HARV NORRIS
Yeah but the Pollos really love that chicken theme and XFeed might give our fans the wrong idea.
RICK HULL
We should start our own app. PunchFeed.
HARV NORRIS
Nah, bro. That’s a terrible idea.
RICK HULL
Hater.
ROY VEZINA
And the winner is… username MostFalls! Congrats, fella. We’ll slide into your DMs for your contact info and send you your prize soon. Now fans, let’s head over to the Ukrainian Community Hall in the fine town of Sudbury for our first match…
SAM HEWITT
Happy Holidays from Sudbury, Ontario! I’m Sam Hewitt and beside me is my partner-in-crime, Brian Shelzi. This evening we are joined by a very special guest. He’s been a frequent flier in Pollo Road, and most recently he’s appeared alongside Devlin Masters in a hit-for-hire gone wrong.
MAD MAX
Yooo hooo! You know it, Sammy. Never got paid for that by the way, but by golly whooping that boy’s ass at the Anniversary Special was payment enough. But thank you for having me, fellas.
♫You're a mean one♫
We see various close-up shots showcasing the new and improved El Sangre de Pollo mask lying on a dark background. The shine from overhead lighting produces a manufactured glow.
♫You really are a heel♫
We throw it back to the Matt Pulver 10th Anniversary Special where Ultimo steps between a foaming Sangre and a downed David Troy.
♫You're as cuddly as a cactus
You're as charming as an eel♫
We see a recap of Sangre choosing to throw down the chair on Ultimo Pollo back at the 2023 HIJO.
♫Mr. Grinch, you're a bad banana
Mr. Grinch, with the greasy black peel♫
The camera pulls away to reveal Sangre’s completely redecorated attire with darker tones.
“You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” fades out and is quickly replaced with “El Viento Y La Luz”.
El Sangre emerges from the foggy stage decorated in a red and Christmas green robe with a companion headdress in a traditional Mayan style. The crowd, especially after that video package, isn’t warm to him in the slightest. An “U-ti-mo! Ul-ti-mo!” develops which causes Sangre to spew Spanish insults at the crowd.
“Christmas in Hollis” plays but there’s no sign of the scheduled opponent Chuckles the Clown. The cameraman runs from the small stage to ringside where…
Chuckles the Clown has found a high ground and relishes in the “CHUCK-LES! CHUCK-LES” chant. He raises a carton, surely beyond the “Use by” date, of eggnog and dumps it all over himself.
SAM HEWITT
The bell hasn’t rung yet and somehow this match is already in a tug of war between disgusting and festive.
Chuckles accidentally drops the carton, spilling whatever eggnog was left, on the mat while squeezing himself over the guardrail.
Off-camera, the announce team is laughing uncontrollably.
As Mason Marvelle makes the introductions, Chuckles puts together a balloon chicken while Sangre intensely stretches. Mason explains that this match is a “Festive Spirit Rules” match, or in other words - anything goes.
The bell rings and Chuckles offers the balloon chicken to Sangre, but Sangre smacks it out of his hand. Chuckles feigns retreat, but quickly responds with a headbutt. Both fighters take a moment to rebound, but Sangre is the first reinitiate contact with a chop. As Chuckles writhes in pain, Sangre runs to the rope. The clown catches Sangre with a crushing running crossbody. Referee, Gideon Dube, observes Sangre’s shoulders on the mat and begins the count…
1…
…
Sangre shoves Chuckles off of him and reaches for newfound pain in his back. Chuckles brings his opponent to their feet and takes control of Sangre’s wrist. The experienced luchadore rolls forward to ease the tension of the wristlock and responds with his own version. Using Chuckles as leverage, Sangre expertly runs up the corner with the intent to do some damage to the arm. Chuckles throws a wrench in the plan by sending Sangre airborne to ringside.
Dube slides outside to check on Sangre. Chuckles is close behind, but respectfully waits for an answer. Sangre gives a half-hearted thumbs up, and the clown doesn’t wait a second to make the grab.
SAM HEWITT
So far, Chuckles’ height and weight has been absolutely key in maintaining control.
MAD MAX
Being a bigger dude always has its advantages, but every fighter has a flaw.
BRIAN SHELZI
For Chuckles, it’s hard liquor and magic.
While Chuckles is lifting Sangre, his face is caught by an abrupt knee. The clown’s nose ball squeaks off and rolls away. Chuckles immediately covers his now-distorted nose.
BRIAN SHELZI
We got a gusher!
Dube gets on one knee to check on Chuckles. Sangre’s impatience shows as he pushes off Dube’s back to get maximum air above the downed clown. Sangre drops like a bomb with double knees to the chest. The Dark Chicken goes for the cover on the outside, unsure if it’s even considered legal.
1…
…
2…
Chuckles shoulders out at the last second and the crowd goes nuts! Sangre struggles to lift the heavyset clown, but he successfully dumps his opponent back in the ring.
By the time Sangre catches his breath, an unbreakable Chuckles is back on one knee. Sangre knows his best shot at winning is isolating Chuckles to the ground. Before the RAINBOW legend can stand, Sangre hurries to wrap his arms around Chuckles’ waist. The heir to the Pollo legacy snaps backwards and executes an ugly backdrop suplex.
MAD MAX
Yee haw! Not a lot of air on that suplex, but Chuckles certainly went for a ride.
SAM HEWITT
Lifting that amount of… uh… water weight is nonetheless impressive!
Chuckles rolled to a plank position after the impact. In an effort to one-up himself, Sangre expels a loud roar before executing a pitch-perfect snap backdrop suplex with a bridge.
1…
…
2…
The clown wiggles out and rolls to his stomach. An unhinged Sangre stalks the clown from the opposite corner while energetically slapping his knee. Eventually, Chuckles is able to sit himself up due to sheer will, and probably intoxication. Sangre dashes at Chuckles…
¡LA PIERNA DE POLLO! ~ also known as RUNNING KNEE STRIKE!
No! Chuckles ducked the knee at the last second. The clown is almost on his feet!
¡NIEBLA DE SANGRE! ~ also known as BLOOD RED MIST!
Chuckles uses his never-ending handkerchief to wipe away the dark red substance while Sangre antagonizes the crowd.
SAM HEWITT
Where does Sangre’s mist begin, and Chuckles’ nosebleed end?
Sangre pretzels Chuckles into a half-nelson pumphandle position, but hesitates to continue.
BRIAN SHELZI
Why did he stop!?
Chuckles, while locked into his inevitable demise, begins to laugh maniacally. Sangre leans over Chuckles to get a better look, but the clown reaches for his chest and honks a flower sewed into his overalls. The flower is a squeezing mechanism which shoots out a glob of black ink on anyone within its trajectory. A blind Sangre recoils backwards while Chuckles teases him for his obstructed vision.
MAD MAX
These luchadores nowadays have such complicated movesets, Sangre has no chance at hitting a big move while blind.
The clown reaches into his overalls and presents a short baton to the crowd. As Chuckles holds it in the air, it magically extends into a candy cane staff. Chuckles readies his staff for the most opportune time. Chuckles swings!
And nails Sangre on the back! Chuckles takes a moment to call his shot. The clown winds back for a home run but Sangre’s senses allow him to elude the candy cane staff. A blinded Sangre perfectly wraps Chuckles back into the half nelson pumphandle position.
¡VARICELLA! ~ also known as PUMP-HANDLE HALF NELSON DRIVER!
Chuckles’ neck breaks his fall as he’s driven into the mat. The awkward landing allows Sangre to easily cover Chuckles.
1…
…
2…
…
3!
Dube diligently retrieves both fighters a towel, but only one is conscious to accept one. El Sangre de Pollo hastily wipes off the black ink and angrily throws the towel at the crowd. The Pollo rejects Dube’s invitation to have the victor’s hand raised and opts to walk to the back to no fanfare. Dr. Pierson checks on Chuckles as he lay bloodied in the ring.
The cameras cut back to the “studio” where all three men are sitting, looking quite shocked by the brutality just witnessed.
RICK HULL
What the…
ROY VEZINA
Well fans, that was… Er. That was one hell of a match and I hope Chuckles is… Let’s just go to our next moment of the year, eh?
After the introductions are complete, referee Ted Thomas asks both men if they're ready and gets the go-ahead. He calls for the bell and the two fighters emerge from their corners cautiously but confident. Troy bouncing up and down, a fighting stance utilizing his background in kickboxing while MEZA studies his opponent, looking for any kind of opening that he can utilize to take advantage. Troy takes a quick step forward and fires off a quick shot to the body that connects before MEZA can even think of grabbing it.
SAM HEWITT
Right there we see the importance of David Troy's kickboxing, delivering that kick so quickly that his feet were already back on the ground before MEZA could grab them.
BRIAN SHELZI
Troy's a crafty veteran of the squared circle, too. He knows MEZA's gameplan for this, but MEZA has to catch him to get him on the mat and getting through this striking barrier is easier said than done.
MEZA attempts a takedown, but Troy stuffs it and fires off a quick knee to the body and a couple follow up palm strikes before MEZA can retreat. Lynx slaps the mat, telling his protege to remain calm as MEZA's face clearly expresses that he's anything but. The two men circle around again, but this time MEZA closes the gap with his own leg kick. Troy's got one in the chamber in response, but MEZA goes down as he connects. There's a whole lot of murmur in the crowd as Troy tries to jump on top, but Lynx rushes into the ring and tackles him to the mat. Referee Ted Thomas throws the X up as Troy fights back against Lynx, who's not retaliating - but trying to explain. Troy shoves him off as the bell sounds continuously. The Fox Among the Lions gets up and sees the state of MEZA's leg and tries to check on him, but Ted Thomas intercepts him and backs him up into the corner. Dr. Nick Pierson is in quickly, tending to MEZA as Troy and Lynx exchange a few words. Troy grabs Lynx's head and pats him on the back, seemingly apologizing but the audio isn't picked up.
SAM HEWITT
Thankfully some deescalation in that situation, it's certainly the last thing we need inside the ring with an injured fighter.
BRIAN SHELZI
No replays, no! The kid broke his leg, let's not show it again.
SAM HEWITT
Right there we see the importance of David Troy's kickboxing, delivering that kick so quickly that his feet were already back on the ground before MEZA could grab them.
BRIAN SHELZI
Troy's a crafty veteran of the squared circle, too. He knows MEZA's gameplan for this, but MEZA has to catch him to get him on the mat and getting through this striking barrier is easier said than done.
MEZA attempts a takedown, but Troy stuffs it and fires off a quick knee to the body and a couple follow up palm strikes before MEZA can retreat. Lynx slaps the mat, telling his protege to remain calm as MEZA's face clearly expresses that he's anything but. The two men circle around again, but this time MEZA closes the gap with his own leg kick. Troy's got one in the chamber in response, but MEZA goes down as he connects. There's a whole lot of murmur in the crowd as Troy tries to jump on top, but Lynx rushes into the ring and tackles him to the mat. Referee Ted Thomas throws the X up as Troy fights back against Lynx, who's not retaliating - but trying to explain. Troy shoves him off as the bell sounds continuously. The Fox Among the Lions gets up and sees the state of MEZA's leg and tries to check on him, but Ted Thomas intercepts him and backs him up into the corner. Dr. Nick Pierson is in quickly, tending to MEZA as Troy and Lynx exchange a few words. Troy grabs Lynx's head and pats him on the back, seemingly apologizing but the audio isn't picked up.
SAM HEWITT
Thankfully some deescalation in that situation, it's certainly the last thing we need inside the ring with an injured fighter.
BRIAN SHELZI
No replays, no! The kid broke his leg, let's not show it again.
That’s a tough break, eh?
RICK HULL
Bro’s leg was like a Kit Kat bar.
HARV NORRIS
I didn't know MEZA likes to cosplay as Tiny Tim.
ROY VEZINA
Luckily for all of us, MEZA was able to make a grand old recovery and come back with more piss and vinegar than before. So all’s well that ends well, eh? Next up fans, we have yet another match for you before we announce the 2023 Biggest Moment of the Year. Let’s head back to the Ukrainian Community Hall for some more action!
As we return to the Ukrainian Community Hall in chilly Sudbury— the stage is set with the six competitors awaiting in the ring. Two white/red candy cane colored ladders are leaning in opposite corners. Mason Marvelle introduces each competitor starting with…
The self-proclaimed “Deathmatch Deity” - “Dare” Devlin Masters!
One-half of RAINBOW Pro’s Thunder Storm - Thunder Ninja!
The French fashionista from Clermont-Ferrand – Bleu!
A Puerto Rican speedball and 2023 HIJO semi-finalist – Chupacabra Jr.!
Undoubtedly the largest member of the Pollo wrestling family - Pollo Gigante!
Wrestling’s walking calculator – “The Brains” Orville Newton!
MASON MARVELLE
The first person to unhook the Pollo Christmas Star above the ring will be crowned the JOLLIEST MERRYWEIGHT CHAMPION, and will be included in the next collection of Pollo POWER Figures. Welcome to the Jingle All the Way to the Top Challenge!
All eyes are on Pollo Gigante – the most obvious physical threat. The bell rings and the first to rush Gigante is Bleu. He’s immediately tossed several feet over the top rope.
“Dare” Devin Masters and Thunder Ninja are next to rush Gigante but are decimated like two hot dog stands getting hit by an 18-wheeler. Gigante follows up by tossing Orville Newton across the ring.
SAM HEWITT
Within the first thirty seconds, Pollo Gigante has disarmed just about every competitor. That includes your former employer, Devlin Masters, Max.
MAD MAX
I wished things ended better between Devlin and I, I really do. But I don’t take kindly to that rude-ass finger-waggin’.
While on the defense, Chupacabre Jr. deflects Gigante’s grapple and pulls him into a triangle choke. With little to no effort, Gigante lifts Chupa off the mat and smashes him back down.
Bleu and Masters immobilize Gigante by clinging to his feet under the bottom rope. Thunder Ninja joins the ambush and blasts the vulnerable giant with a series of kicks followed by a Mongolian chop. The Biggest Bird™ stomps Bleu’s head and breaks free from his shackles. The Hikone-born Thunder Ninja attempts to neutralize Gigante with a leaping reverse STO, but Gigante belly to belly suplexes him across the ring.
Bleu and Masters invade the ring and outnumber Gigante to the mat. Masters screeches out an instruction for Bleu to moonsault off the top while he holds down “the Pollo”. Bleu mutters an insult in French while he begrudgingly jumps to the top. As Bleu vaults backwards, Gigante pulls Masters into the French model’s path.
BLEU CHEESE CRUMBLE… to the wrong guy!
While Masters rolls out of the ring, Gigante grabs Bleu by the tights and chucks him through the ropes; not far from Masters. Just as Gigante grabs a ladder...
FLYING LEG LARIAT!
Chupa Jr.’s surprise attack inadvertently sends both of them tumbling over the ropes.
Newton is the first to reoccupy the ring and quickly sets up the candy cane ladder. As he steps foot on the first rung, Thunder Ninja and Chupa springboard to the top! Newton is about to join them in the sky, but decides it’s far more logical to remain at the bottom where he can control the stability of the ladder.
Chupa Jr., the last of the notoriously small Chupacabra wrestling family, is on his tippy toes battling Thunder Ninja. They exchange blows intermittently while also trying to unhook the Pollo Christmas Star that swings above them.
Newton holds off on sabotaging the ladder in favor of waiting for a direct path. However, the Brain’s strategy is thwarted by Gigante sliding back in the ring. He accelerates towards Newton, but Orville’s assessment of Gigante’s stepping pattern allows him to successfully dodge a heavy shoulder block.
The Biggest Bird ™ overshoots past Newton, and collides into the ladder. The ladder tips over and drops Chupa Jr. and Thunder Ninja near the ropes.
A shoving contest between Bleu and Masters has escalated at ringside after the failed teamwork. Bleu delivers a combination of slaps that dazes the backyard wrestling sensation. Bleu runs towards Masters, hooks his head, and starts the initial spin for a tornado DDT. After one full rotation, Masters halts the spin and rams Bleu into the apron. As Bleu bends over in pain, “Dare” Devlin drives Bleu’s head into the ground with a DDT of his own.
BRIAN SHELZI
Ouch! We may see Dr. Pierson out again.
Back in the ring, Orville evaluates the current situation: Thunder Ninja is incapacitated outside; Chupa won’t be getting up for at least thirty seconds; Bleu is down somewhere at ringside; Gigante is just now getting to his feet; Masters…
Masters stealthily reaches into the ring and sweeps Orville’s legs out from under him!
MAD MAX
That’s the problem with being a brainiac. Too much thinking; not enough doin’.
Masters finds a kendo stick wrapped in wrapping paper and slides behind an aching Gigante. He swings! Gigante catches the stick mid-swing and pulls in Masters to a backdrop arrangement. The Pollo lifts him, but Masters jabs two fingers into Gigante’s eyes. The blind beast releases his victim and claws at his bloodshot eyes.
While playing Marco Polo with Masters, Gigante trips over a groggy Chupa. The giant, assuming its Masters, reaches frantically in search of his aggressor. The search quickly comes to an end after Masters silences Gigante with a crack of the kendo stick. Masters turns his violent attention to a recovering Chupa and raises the kendo stick…
RUNNING EUROPEAN UPPERCUT!
Masters is sent ragdolling across the ring by Newton in motion. Chupa thanks Newton, who uses the newly discovered trust to pitch a strategy. The Brains signals to the fallen ladder and mimics a slamming down motion. With a quick nod, Chupa and Newton grab the ladder together and climb the corner closest to Gigante.
SAM HEWITT
I think, but I’m not sure, that Orville Newton is proposing that they ensnare Gigante in between two rungs of the ladder.
As the giant rises from his forced slumber, the two ladder-bearers jump from the corner and successfully slide Gigante in between rungs of the ladder. Chupa and Newton high-five, but the celebration does not last long because both of them are whacked by the same ladder used to encase Gigante. He’s quickly found a way to adapt and weaponize his new appendage.
Now that he is the only conscious person in the ring, Gigante turns his attention to slipping out of the ladder. As he is doing so, a tiny silver ball rolls in front of him. He gasps just before the smoke bomb explodes; temporarily engulfing the entirety of the ring in blue and yellow smoke. As the smoke recedes…
STORM NINJA IS IN THE RING. THUNDER NINJA IS IN THE RING. IT’S THUNDER STORM!
BRIAN SHELZI
The Strikers of Shiga are back, baby!
SAM HEWITT
Last time we saw Thunder Storm was at Rainbow Road when El Cerdo Mostaza made mincemeat of the team.
Gigante tries to swing the ladder at the ninjas but Thunder Storm skillfully sidesteps the pathetic attempts. Thunder goes high, Storm goes low…
TOTAL ELIMINATION ~ also known as SHIGA STRIKE!
There is no one available to intervene as Thunder Storm plants the second ladder in the middle and the duo climb. The ninjas are about to claim the Pollo Christmas Star…
BLEU IS IN THE RING WITH ANOTHER LADDER!
He quickly jousts Storm Ninja off the ladder, and Thunder Ninja follows after getting domed by the foot of a ladder. Bleu rushes up the previously occupied ladder. He’s almost to the top when Devlin Masters begins his climb. Bleu is reaching! The star is dangling at his fingertips. Masters reaches the top and delivers a staggering elbow to the unprotected face of the French model.
BRIAN SHELZI
Chupacabre Jr. incoming!
Chupa springboards onto the ladder once again! He forces himself and Bleu to share one side of the ladder, but they share the same objective of eliminating Devlin from the equation. Masters is unable to protect himself from every impact, and he’s soon worn down. The
SAM HEWITT
And…Masters…goes down! Wait, no!
Masters is caught by a ladder-skirt wearing Gigante! He gets a running start with Masters’ stomach on his shoulder and…
POWERSLAM INTO THE LADDER!
The ladder, and its occupants, crash to the mat. The crowd is beside themselves! Gigante falls on top of it with Masters’ lifeless body nearby.
SAM HEWITT
The ladder is back up and it’s Orville Newton that’s on his way to the Pollo Christmas Star!
BRIAN SHELZI
Tough decision here with Pollo Gigante still in the picture. Does he climb, or does he risk a final nail in Gigante’s coffin? Can he even do both before someone else gets up?
Newton stares up the ladder, then at the severely weakened Gigante, back at the ladder, finally back at a recovering Gigante. Newton decides to level up—
LEVEL 60 [SHINING] WIZARD TO GIGANTE!
Gigante is out. Masters is out. Chupa Jr. and Bleu aren’t moving. The team of Thunder Storm is down at ringside. It’s his time! “The Brains” quickly ascends the ladder and reaches for the star. A broken Gigante crawls up the lower steps at a snail's pace.
Orville fiddles with the hook for a few more seconds before the star is his! He holds the star up to the crowd and hugs it.
MASON MARVELLE
Ladies and gentlemen, the Jolliest Merryweight, and winner of the Jingle All the Way to the Top Challenge – Orville Newton!
Newton steps down off the ladder and into the embrace of his ally, Matt Pulver. He raises Orville’s hand and Orville proudly flashes the bejeweled star at the camera.
ROY VEZINA
What a match! Orville is really picking up some momentum lately, eh? I wonder if he’s Canadian? The Punch Line is always looking for exceptional talent from the Great White North. But now it’s the moment we have all been waiting for, well the moment of the year. 2023 saw a lot of amazing things happen inside that Pollo Road ring but the biggest has to be this…
The Knightfall connects!
AJ lays there for a moment, then forces whatever's left in his body to roll over and cover, he pulls at the tights to hook a leg!
1...
...
2...
...
3-NO!
ARM ON THE ROPE!
AJ slaps the arm down and covers again, forgetting the leg.
1...
...
2...
...
LEG ON THE ROPE!
AJ shakes his head, pulls Dorado up by the mask and nearly trips but gets his balance and plants him with another Knightfall DDT! AJ hops over and immediately applies another Templar Stretch!
He goes to crank back...
The crowd goes quiet!
Thomas tells AJ to break it!
DORADO TAPPED!
SAM HEWITT
Pollo Dorado II just tapped out!
AJ is in disbelief! He doesn't know what to do with himself, seemingly wanting to inflict more punishment but suddenly overcome with emotion. He rolls over and buries his head into the mat as Mason Marvelle hands Thomas the belt and the referee hands it to AJ, who takes it without looking. Orville Newton stands shocked in the aisle, but hurriedly rushes the ring and checks on his mentor. The original Pollo Dorado is shown getting up and leaving in a huff.
BRIAN SHELZI
Sambo, all these fighters want to be tough but sometimes the toughest thing you can do is give up. Pollo Dorado II has been battling this arm injury for months, fighting through it every championship defense and never making excuses. At the end of the day, you have to decide whether today's your last day or you want to fight again tomorrow. Serious injuries occur because of pride. Congratulations to AJ Knight, who executed a great game plan and kept on Dorado the last few minutes. He certainly earned this victory and that championship title, but now we get to see if AJ Knight was telling the truth the entire time...
AJ is up and holding his title, yelling at Dorado to get up and take it off. Newton tries to interject, but is shot down by both men. Dorado gets up and falls back against the ropes, clutching his arm to his torso. He asks Newton to undo the mask, reassuring him it's OK. AJ stands smiling, but clearly in some pain of his own. Newton has the mask fully unlaced and Dorado reaches up and yanks it off...
SAM HEWITT
It's Matt Pulver!
AJ's "I knew it!" echoes throughout the venue as the crowd breaks into a "MATT!" chant which AJ can only shake his head at. Knight tells him to give him the mask, so Pulver stands up off the ropes...
AND CHUCKS IT INTO THE CROWD!
Clutching his other arm to himself, he smirks at AJ and exits as security forms at ringside to escort him out. Knight is left kinda speechless in the moment as Newton hurries behind his mentor. David Troy passes the duo in the aisle and slides in, congratulating AJ on the win and towels off his face and hair. He then raises AJ's arm in victory, but can't help but look at the World's Cruiserweight Championship dangling between them.
AJ lays there for a moment, then forces whatever's left in his body to roll over and cover, he pulls at the tights to hook a leg!
1...
...
2...
...
3-NO!
ARM ON THE ROPE!
AJ slaps the arm down and covers again, forgetting the leg.
1...
...
2...
...
LEG ON THE ROPE!
AJ shakes his head, pulls Dorado up by the mask and nearly trips but gets his balance and plants him with another Knightfall DDT! AJ hops over and immediately applies another Templar Stretch!
He goes to crank back...
The crowd goes quiet!
Thomas tells AJ to break it!
DORADO TAPPED!
SAM HEWITT
Pollo Dorado II just tapped out!
AJ is in disbelief! He doesn't know what to do with himself, seemingly wanting to inflict more punishment but suddenly overcome with emotion. He rolls over and buries his head into the mat as Mason Marvelle hands Thomas the belt and the referee hands it to AJ, who takes it without looking. Orville Newton stands shocked in the aisle, but hurriedly rushes the ring and checks on his mentor. The original Pollo Dorado is shown getting up and leaving in a huff.
BRIAN SHELZI
Sambo, all these fighters want to be tough but sometimes the toughest thing you can do is give up. Pollo Dorado II has been battling this arm injury for months, fighting through it every championship defense and never making excuses. At the end of the day, you have to decide whether today's your last day or you want to fight again tomorrow. Serious injuries occur because of pride. Congratulations to AJ Knight, who executed a great game plan and kept on Dorado the last few minutes. He certainly earned this victory and that championship title, but now we get to see if AJ Knight was telling the truth the entire time...
AJ is up and holding his title, yelling at Dorado to get up and take it off. Newton tries to interject, but is shot down by both men. Dorado gets up and falls back against the ropes, clutching his arm to his torso. He asks Newton to undo the mask, reassuring him it's OK. AJ stands smiling, but clearly in some pain of his own. Newton has the mask fully unlaced and Dorado reaches up and yanks it off...
SAM HEWITT
It's Matt Pulver!
AJ's "I knew it!" echoes throughout the venue as the crowd breaks into a "MATT!" chant which AJ can only shake his head at. Knight tells him to give him the mask, so Pulver stands up off the ropes...
AND CHUCKS IT INTO THE CROWD!
Clutching his other arm to himself, he smirks at AJ and exits as security forms at ringside to escort him out. Knight is left kinda speechless in the moment as Newton hurries behind his mentor. David Troy passes the duo in the aisle and slides in, congratulating AJ on the win and towels off his face and hair. He then raises AJ's arm in victory, but can't help but look at the World's Cruiserweight Championship dangling between them.
That’s right fans, Matt Pulver was Pollo Dorado II. It was a truly shocking moment and named the biggest #PolloPop of the year. Now before we sign off for the evening, we have a bit of a sneak preview for you on the newest line of Pollo Power Figures that will be coming out soon. Roll the clip!
We open to affluent parents lounging on the couch as their impatient son tears through all his Christmas presents. He opens everything but still looks unfulfilled.
DAD
Well? Did you get everything you wanted, Little Jimmy?
LITTLE JIMMY
Where are the Pollo Power Figures?
DAD
Guess Santa forgot. Better luck next year kiddo!
Little Jimmy stares at his father as if he was wishing the worst kind of curse upon him.
LITTLE JIMMY
Santa never forgets.
Little Jimmy’s parents share a hefty laugh.
Mad Max, an aged wrestling legend, bursts onto the scene and manhandles Little Jimmy’s father onto his shoulders before powerbombing him through the living room window.
LITTLE JIMMY
Mad Max! I knew you’d save Christmas!
Mad Max empties out a bag of Pollo Road Power Figures under the tree.
NARRATOR
Introducing Power Figures - Legend Editions! Now YOU can play with wrestling legends like Mad Max, Brian Shelzi, and Chuckles the Clown!
We snap to Chuckles the Clown on the sidewalk watching Little Jimmy’s father pick himself up from the glass rubble. The clown’s cigarette glows red as he disapprovingly shakes his head.
CHUCKLES THE CLOWN
HA! Some people can’t handle Christmas.
Chuckles flicks the lit cigarette onto a lawn which immediately ignites. The clown speed walks away without turning back.
NARRATOR
POW-ER FIG-URES!
Little Jimmy gives the camera two thumbs up.
LITTLE JIMMY
Best Christmas ever!
Behind LIttle Jimmy, Mad Max big boots his mother’s face into the couch.
NARRATOR
Out now!
DAD
Well? Did you get everything you wanted, Little Jimmy?
LITTLE JIMMY
Where are the Pollo Power Figures?
DAD
Guess Santa forgot. Better luck next year kiddo!
Little Jimmy stares at his father as if he was wishing the worst kind of curse upon him.
LITTLE JIMMY
Santa never forgets.
Little Jimmy’s parents share a hefty laugh.
Mad Max, an aged wrestling legend, bursts onto the scene and manhandles Little Jimmy’s father onto his shoulders before powerbombing him through the living room window.
LITTLE JIMMY
Mad Max! I knew you’d save Christmas!
Mad Max empties out a bag of Pollo Road Power Figures under the tree.
NARRATOR
Introducing Power Figures - Legend Editions! Now YOU can play with wrestling legends like Mad Max, Brian Shelzi, and Chuckles the Clown!
We snap to Chuckles the Clown on the sidewalk watching Little Jimmy’s father pick himself up from the glass rubble. The clown’s cigarette glows red as he disapprovingly shakes his head.
CHUCKLES THE CLOWN
HA! Some people can’t handle Christmas.
Chuckles flicks the lit cigarette onto a lawn which immediately ignites. The clown speed walks away without turning back.
NARRATOR
POW-ER FIG-URES!
Little Jimmy gives the camera two thumbs up.
LITTLE JIMMY
Best Christmas ever!
Behind LIttle Jimmy, Mad Max big boots his mother’s face into the couch.
NARRATOR
Out now!
Bro, where’s our figures?
HARV NORRIS
Seriously, no respect. No respect at all.
ROY VEZINA
Let fans, it’s been an amazing night of holiday cheer. Thank you for joining but before we go. Harv, Rick. I got you guys something. Santa, can you do the honors.
Santa reaches into his sack of gifts and pulls out two custom made Punch Line hockey jerseys, both with a noticeable “A” on them. Both men look like they are fighting back tears.
ROY VEZINA
New unis, boys! I couldn’t decide who to make my alternate… so you both are.
HARV NORRIS
I got an A!
RICK HULL
So did I!
HARV NORRIS
First A of your life, I bet.
RICK HULL
Cha right, you tried to forge your report card for your parents and wrote “Eh Plus.”
ROY VEZINA
Now boys, simmer down now. Once again thank you fans for… What’s that, Santa?
Santa is rummaging through his bag and after a moment, pulls out a small wrapped gift and hands it to Roy.
ROY VEZINA
Boys, you really shouldn’t have.
RICK HULL
I didn’t.
HARV NORRIS
Me either.
Roy rips off the wrapping paper and reveals… a passport.
ROY VEZINA
Why did you give me someone’s passport…
Suddenly Roy’s face drops as he looks up into Santa’s eyes. With a sudden lunge, Santa grabs Roy by the collar. Harv and Rick jump at Santa but he knocks both men back. During the shuffle, his hat and beard slide off to reveal.. EL CERDO MOSTAZA!!! The big man is back and he pushes Roy back into a wall, growling.
ROY VEZINA
HELP!
Harv charges at ECM and catches him around the waist as Rick starts firing forearms at the big man’s back. Roy is able to slip out of Mostaza’s grip and shuffle away as El Cerdo throws a wild elbow at Rick and grabs Harv in a gutwrench and suplexes him right into the Christmas tree! Ornaments and lights flicker as Rick charges back at Mostaza, who unleashes a nasty lariat that drops Rick to the floor hard.
EL CERDO MOSTAZA
ROY! This ain’t over, fella. I’m comin’ for you! Hot… Screw it. Hot Damn!
With all the chaos, the screen cuts to black.