Post by MEZA on Oct 12, 2022 23:37:53 GMT
We open in a swanky psychiatry office overlooking the Minneapolis skyline. MEZA sits on a couch opposite of the Psychiatrist. He jots a few notes on a notepad and intermittently observes MEZA’s nervous ticks, which warrants more notes. MEZA, becoming cognizant of the cycle, does his best to sit back and refrain from fidgeting.
Psych: Tell me a little bit about what’s bothering you?
“Here we go again”, he thinks. He’s tired of explaining the why to sports doctors, primary care physicians, or specialists.
MEZA: I haven’t adapted to this change well.
Psych: What change?
MEZA: The pressure. Waking up at 5am and then somewhere to be every hour until I can’t stay awake. The fans. I have kids who idolize me now. I’m needing to be everywhere all at once and feeling all of those emotions, but I’m just one guy.
Psych: Do you feel this escalation the more successful you become?
MEZA: Yes.
Psych: And why do you think that is?
MEZA: Because I’m not some internationally known kickboxer, or a Golden Ace, or thirty-year veteran with a vengeance. I’m just me. And sometimes Coach Lynx too. But I have all of these people who believe in me and as I climb higher and higher there’s...
Psych: ...More people to let down?
MEZA: Exactly.
Psych: So, in the case of your upcoming match – what is your greatest fear if you don’t win.
MEZA: I... fear... letting people down. I fear... being the hero that has to die in front of them. And everything that comes along with that. People will lose hope. Not only in me, but in their own lives. I’ve met some of kids. Sometimes it’s with the Pollo Children’s Hospital. I feel like I have to give every ounce of my spirit so that I can keep this dream alive.
Psych: Does this have any effect on your pre-match anxiety?
MEZA stares down at his hands and it immediately transports him to:
...
Seconds before his match with Luke Marshal in the gorilla position. MEZA stares down at extremely clammy hands. Coach Lynx tosses him a rag. MEZA nods in appreciation.
Coach Lynx: Sweaty hands again, eh?
...
MEZA snaps out of it.
MEZA: And I’ve been waking up in a cold sweat.
The Psychiatrist takes more notes.
Psych: Are you dreaming?
MEZA: About my childhood.
MEZA is transported to when he was in grade school. The small scrawny Latino kid is being held down by a group of bullies. The lead bully leans over MEZA and throttles his throat to dislodge any grossness. The bully’s head cocks back like a cannon about to fire and...
September 16, 2022. MEZA v. MARSHALL
AND SPITS IN [MEZA’s] FACE AGAIN!
The crowd boos [Marshall]! Luke Marshall smiles as he falls to his knees, holding his back.
Psych: Do you feel worthy in the company of these other competitors?
MEZA: In some ways, yes. In other ways, no. I look at guys like Shinobu and I’m in awe. He’s been doing this almost a year more than me and he got signed to Pollo Road because he was sought after. I was signed because I won a reality show, and I am contracted for these events. Once this next match is over, I have no more dates, no more obligations, and nothing except the fans keeping me here. If I don’t win the Cruiserweight Championship, I’m on a one-way ticket to your nearest farmer’s market. At least those who have lost hope can still see me live, right?
Psych: You aren’t the only hope for these fans. You don’t have any control over their perspective of hope and, in reality, if you lose these people will move on.
MEZA: Then what do I tell myself? What if I make a fool of myself and I’m the weakest link? What will Coach Lynx say... or how about, my father? What will the higher ups think when my contract expires at midnight and there’s no reasons to keep me around? Help me learn what I say to myself when that time comes and goes and I have nothing else?
A quiet alarm rings in the close of their first session.
Psych: My answer to your question, Alejandro, is: what would you say to a fan? That’s what you say to yourself when that time comes.
MEZA gets it. This guy is simply telling MEZA to be nice to himself. Whether this holds the key to controlling his beast, time will tell.
Psych: Tell me a little bit about what’s bothering you?
“Here we go again”, he thinks. He’s tired of explaining the why to sports doctors, primary care physicians, or specialists.
MEZA: I haven’t adapted to this change well.
Psych: What change?
MEZA: The pressure. Waking up at 5am and then somewhere to be every hour until I can’t stay awake. The fans. I have kids who idolize me now. I’m needing to be everywhere all at once and feeling all of those emotions, but I’m just one guy.
Psych: Do you feel this escalation the more successful you become?
MEZA: Yes.
Psych: And why do you think that is?
MEZA: Because I’m not some internationally known kickboxer, or a Golden Ace, or thirty-year veteran with a vengeance. I’m just me. And sometimes Coach Lynx too. But I have all of these people who believe in me and as I climb higher and higher there’s...
Psych: ...More people to let down?
MEZA: Exactly.
Psych: So, in the case of your upcoming match – what is your greatest fear if you don’t win.
MEZA: I... fear... letting people down. I fear... being the hero that has to die in front of them. And everything that comes along with that. People will lose hope. Not only in me, but in their own lives. I’ve met some of kids. Sometimes it’s with the Pollo Children’s Hospital. I feel like I have to give every ounce of my spirit so that I can keep this dream alive.
Psych: Does this have any effect on your pre-match anxiety?
MEZA stares down at his hands and it immediately transports him to:
...
Seconds before his match with Luke Marshal in the gorilla position. MEZA stares down at extremely clammy hands. Coach Lynx tosses him a rag. MEZA nods in appreciation.
Coach Lynx: Sweaty hands again, eh?
...
MEZA snaps out of it.
MEZA: And I’ve been waking up in a cold sweat.
The Psychiatrist takes more notes.
Psych: Are you dreaming?
MEZA: About my childhood.
MEZA is transported to when he was in grade school. The small scrawny Latino kid is being held down by a group of bullies. The lead bully leans over MEZA and throttles his throat to dislodge any grossness. The bully’s head cocks back like a cannon about to fire and...
September 16, 2022. MEZA v. MARSHALL
AND SPITS IN [MEZA’s] FACE AGAIN!
The crowd boos [Marshall]! Luke Marshall smiles as he falls to his knees, holding his back.
Psych: Do you feel worthy in the company of these other competitors?
MEZA: In some ways, yes. In other ways, no. I look at guys like Shinobu and I’m in awe. He’s been doing this almost a year more than me and he got signed to Pollo Road because he was sought after. I was signed because I won a reality show, and I am contracted for these events. Once this next match is over, I have no more dates, no more obligations, and nothing except the fans keeping me here. If I don’t win the Cruiserweight Championship, I’m on a one-way ticket to your nearest farmer’s market. At least those who have lost hope can still see me live, right?
Psych: You aren’t the only hope for these fans. You don’t have any control over their perspective of hope and, in reality, if you lose these people will move on.
MEZA: Then what do I tell myself? What if I make a fool of myself and I’m the weakest link? What will Coach Lynx say... or how about, my father? What will the higher ups think when my contract expires at midnight and there’s no reasons to keep me around? Help me learn what I say to myself when that time comes and goes and I have nothing else?
A quiet alarm rings in the close of their first session.
Psych: My answer to your question, Alejandro, is: what would you say to a fan? That’s what you say to yourself when that time comes.
MEZA gets it. This guy is simply telling MEZA to be nice to himself. Whether this holds the key to controlling his beast, time will tell.