Post by Roy Vezina on Apr 10, 2023 19:25:39 GMT
"Focus."
This is stupid.
"Breath in."
Waste of goddamn time.
"Clear your mind."
I'll clear your goddamn head off your shoulders in a minute, missy.
"Now open your eyes."
With that, the masked luchador known as El Cerdo Mostaza opens his eyes and takes the bright sun-filled yoga studio where we find the big man. Looking very out of place among the younger soccer moms in the class, plus wearing the blue and red mask doesn't help, Mostaza is easily the largest body mass in the room by a good amount. The brightly colored outfits of the various ladies in the room made El Cerdo's black spandex stand out. Looking rather annoyed, we watch uncomfortably as Mostaza does several different yoga positions such as the Cat and Cow and the Wet Seal. After a few minutes, the class ends and the ladies gather up their stuff and head out as Mostaza stands around awkwardly trying to get his spandex off as the yoga instructor walks up to him, with a smile on her face.
Yoga Instructor: Hey handsome. You are doing so good in these classes.
El Cerdo Mostaza: Well, it doesn't feel like it. I hate this crap. I ain't suppose to be doin' this girly yoga stuff. I don't understand why I am the test dummy for this new Pollo Bucket Healthy Food product crap. They could have picked anyone else in to do this here but they picked me cause they are still pissy about that damn lawsuit.
Yoga Instructor: Hey hey hey. I am happy they picked you. It's nice to have a big strong man around here, showing off his soft side.
Mostaza, probably being too thick to see this obvious act of flirting, is not amused.
El Cerdo Mostaza: Listen here, toots. I ain't got a single thing on me that's soft, alright? I ain't got time for this nonsense. I got a match with that stupid big bird in a few weeks and instead of training, I'm stretchin' my hamstrings out too much and lookin' like a damn fool doin' it. And for what, huh? So Pollo Bucket can put me in a commercial sayin' I done did some yoga and their crappy chicken makes you healthy? Come on now. We both know that's some Grade A bullshit.
Yoga Instructor: Look at you getting all worked up. I know a few ways we can release that stress, if you want to find out…
Mostaza, not seeing the clear as day signs, physically pushes the yoga insutructor aside as he admires himself in the mirror.
El Cerdo Mostaza: Do I look like the type of fella that wants to do yoga? Hell no, I wanna drink a beer and knock someone out, dammit. I got a meeting with that Pollo Gigante soon enough and I am gonna beat that big bird like no tomorrow. I'll grab his damn beak and rip it off his damn stupid face and slap the Jesus out of that large, deep-fried moron. I ain't got time for him, I ain't got time for that hobbit, I ain't got time for the goddamn Pollo Bucket either! This lawsuit is really screwin' me, just like my ex-wife has done plenty of times!
Apparently turned on by El Cerdo Mosaza's aggressive ways, the yoga instructor can be seen fanning herself in the background, leaning against a wall as the big man continues his rant.
El Cerdo Mostaza: I am the meanest, toughest son of a gun around here, and I am standing here with spandex on, lookin' like a damn fool. Pollo Bucket is just straight up messin' with me. They are holdin' this lawsuit over my head, makin' me jump for the damn carrot like a rabbit. Now they are throwing this big dumb oaf at me, and they are damn fools if they think I am goin' lay down for some idiot in a chicken mask. Hell no. Not gonna happen. I'm no fool. I sure ain't a pushover. I'm outta here, this is a waste of time.
Yoga Instructor: Wait, don't go. Let's find a place and we can talk for a minute. Come here, let me show you something in here.
Leading him by the hand, the yoga instructor walks El Cerdo into a small closet. Awkwardly cramping into the small space, Mostaza looks completely lost on what is happening.
El Cerdo Mostaza: Why are we goin' in here? I barely can fit.
Closing the door, we hear El Cerdo continue to complain.
El Cerdo Mostaza: Listen, I hate tight spaces. What are we even… boobies.
The camera cuts away.
This is stupid.
"Breath in."
Waste of goddamn time.
"Clear your mind."
I'll clear your goddamn head off your shoulders in a minute, missy.
"Now open your eyes."
With that, the masked luchador known as El Cerdo Mostaza opens his eyes and takes the bright sun-filled yoga studio where we find the big man. Looking very out of place among the younger soccer moms in the class, plus wearing the blue and red mask doesn't help, Mostaza is easily the largest body mass in the room by a good amount. The brightly colored outfits of the various ladies in the room made El Cerdo's black spandex stand out. Looking rather annoyed, we watch uncomfortably as Mostaza does several different yoga positions such as the Cat and Cow and the Wet Seal. After a few minutes, the class ends and the ladies gather up their stuff and head out as Mostaza stands around awkwardly trying to get his spandex off as the yoga instructor walks up to him, with a smile on her face.
Yoga Instructor: Hey handsome. You are doing so good in these classes.
El Cerdo Mostaza: Well, it doesn't feel like it. I hate this crap. I ain't suppose to be doin' this girly yoga stuff. I don't understand why I am the test dummy for this new Pollo Bucket Healthy Food product crap. They could have picked anyone else in to do this here but they picked me cause they are still pissy about that damn lawsuit.
Yoga Instructor: Hey hey hey. I am happy they picked you. It's nice to have a big strong man around here, showing off his soft side.
Mostaza, probably being too thick to see this obvious act of flirting, is not amused.
El Cerdo Mostaza: Listen here, toots. I ain't got a single thing on me that's soft, alright? I ain't got time for this nonsense. I got a match with that stupid big bird in a few weeks and instead of training, I'm stretchin' my hamstrings out too much and lookin' like a damn fool doin' it. And for what, huh? So Pollo Bucket can put me in a commercial sayin' I done did some yoga and their crappy chicken makes you healthy? Come on now. We both know that's some Grade A bullshit.
Yoga Instructor: Look at you getting all worked up. I know a few ways we can release that stress, if you want to find out…
Mostaza, not seeing the clear as day signs, physically pushes the yoga insutructor aside as he admires himself in the mirror.
El Cerdo Mostaza: Do I look like the type of fella that wants to do yoga? Hell no, I wanna drink a beer and knock someone out, dammit. I got a meeting with that Pollo Gigante soon enough and I am gonna beat that big bird like no tomorrow. I'll grab his damn beak and rip it off his damn stupid face and slap the Jesus out of that large, deep-fried moron. I ain't got time for him, I ain't got time for that hobbit, I ain't got time for the goddamn Pollo Bucket either! This lawsuit is really screwin' me, just like my ex-wife has done plenty of times!
Apparently turned on by El Cerdo Mosaza's aggressive ways, the yoga instructor can be seen fanning herself in the background, leaning against a wall as the big man continues his rant.
El Cerdo Mostaza: I am the meanest, toughest son of a gun around here, and I am standing here with spandex on, lookin' like a damn fool. Pollo Bucket is just straight up messin' with me. They are holdin' this lawsuit over my head, makin' me jump for the damn carrot like a rabbit. Now they are throwing this big dumb oaf at me, and they are damn fools if they think I am goin' lay down for some idiot in a chicken mask. Hell no. Not gonna happen. I'm no fool. I sure ain't a pushover. I'm outta here, this is a waste of time.
Yoga Instructor: Wait, don't go. Let's find a place and we can talk for a minute. Come here, let me show you something in here.
Leading him by the hand, the yoga instructor walks El Cerdo into a small closet. Awkwardly cramping into the small space, Mostaza looks completely lost on what is happening.
El Cerdo Mostaza: Why are we goin' in here? I barely can fit.
Closing the door, we hear El Cerdo continue to complain.
El Cerdo Mostaza: Listen, I hate tight spaces. What are we even… boobies.
The camera cuts away.